It Has Been Decided

My son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016.  His official EOW (End of Watch) date is May 19th but, if you had seen him in the hospital bed like I did, you would know that the awesome son, brother, husband, father, friend and police officer we all knew and loved was already gone.

These last almost 7 years have been the most difficult and painful time of my life.

One of the ways God has comforted me is through this truth - " A person's days are determined; you have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed." Job 14:5.

God has already decided which day will be the last day of your life here on earth and mine.
Knowing this helped me let go of my mother when she passed away 17 years ago.  We had a very close relationship and she was my role-model for how a Christian woman lives her life faithful to God - all the way to her last breath here on earth.  When she was 80 years old, she was busy doing prayer walks with a group who was starting a new church.  She always gave 100% of her heart to God.   I realized, if he wanted her in heaven with him, then that's what I wanted for her.  

She was an awesome grandmother to my children and my family has a lot of precious memories of her.  One of our most delicious memories is my mom's caramel rolls.

YUMMMMMMMM does not adequately describe them.  Looking at this picture, I can still smell them.

Mom had two rules about her caramel rolls - nobody counted how many rolls anybody ate and you had to come see her to get some.  She didn't give them to people to give to other people - she wanted to see you and spend time with you.  If there are caramel rolls in heaven, you can bet that people who know my mom are probably eating some right now.  Save some for me, Davey!

Sixteen years ago I found myself in ICU with twelve blood clots in my lungs.  Have you ever seen a doctor look scared when he's saying you are experiencing a life-threatening situation?  Laying in the emergency room, I heard God clearly tell me that I wasn't going to die from this.  Later, five different doctors at five different times looked at me in awe and told me the blood clots should have killed me.

The blood clots obviously didn't kill me.  It just wasn't my day.

I know that God has reasons for picking May 18 as Davey's final day here on earth.  I may never understand those reasons but I trust God.  And, since God wants him in heaven, that's what I want for Davey.

Knowing that this date was determined before Davey was born helps me avoid needless regrets like -

• I wish he hadn't gone on that call.
  • It wouldn't have mattered.  This was his day.
• I wish he hadn't gone to work that day.
  • It would have happened no matter what he was doing.
• I wish he hadn't been a police officer.
  • He was born to be a police officer and he died honorably, serving his community and doing what he loved to do.  He wouldn't have wanted to live or die any other way.

It was decided.  There is no 'wishing' something else had happened.  God decreed the number of Davey's days here on earth and then he took Davey home.

Now, standing on a foundation of God's love and strength and grace, I am figuring out how to move forward.    I am still here because God has a purpose for me and that's what my life needs to be about until the day God has already determined when he will come to bring me home.

I don't know all the details of my future so, through the tears, I'm focusing on loving God and loving other people.

A bigger chunk of my heart is now in heaven with you, Abba Father.